Thursday, June 4, 2020
No One Else at All in Your Life?
She may be the best at least so far, but there are lots of people like her you didn't make famous. You just wanted to be able to mess with my relationship.
Hm..
Hasn't the fame of the older lady I like still seem mistaken, like how it is? I'm still being abused by the people monitoring me in private and who know me sorta.
In Your Subconscious - Counting Sheep
People are making sure I don't get too famous but that the older lady I like does.
Generations
I'm not really involved in the scene of people acting out generational prejudices and carrying it out. I am interested in generation studies, though.
Weaning?
It seems like people were made to believe they all want the older lady I like individually, like that's cool to believe possible by weaning me away.
Distracting Types of Things
So, are people excited they might make me lose attention from an older lady I like?
Judged
It's funny how people indirectly judge me if I'm so acclaimed haphazardly/randomly but to being sick and free from "sex."
Excited
I just got an alarm clock also as a sound machine / noise maker and radio. I think you can time it to sleep, too. I know I can wake up to the radio. It's pretty loud.
Racism Is Flawed
People are just crazy their life was not perfectly set up and take it out on nice, good people if they have a weakness like a racial "minority" to whites or something mixed.
Drums
It must be hard to work in a factory like it is hard for a musician to play the drums if they are a non-drummer. I did piano and xylophone ... and organ.
Unfair
Late Boomers made a scene that they wanted to have kids around age 35-40.
They are mean to nice people who are like 20-35 years younger. Though, some had crack babies?
Ballet
I signed up for a ballet class, so far see once a week. $15/class or $130/10 classes ($13/class, save $20.) I've already got the clothes.
Challenge
If the older lady I like is something to me, why does she keep "going along with the crowd?"
Wednesday, June 3, 2020
Growing up Playing Music
Are people more mature who start violin a little younger or a little older?
"Me First!"
People think that people with heritage from northern US ... like southern US and Europe know what's next because they're watching.
For example, we might glow more when we're older ... or what we will think of what's in fashion ... things we will change.
So, they say that they thought it first and we're the ones copying them.
Do I come up?
Hihglight for spoilers.
"The Bubble Scene"
Why?
Why is it like I am trapped by my dad saying I should not have things I want? People are afraid to be nice to me because of him.
Perversion
Why are people trying to see what Generation X does in perverted ways to make them feel like they can never achieve in life, like emotionally etc. etc. etc.
Why listen?
People start off telling you what to do and in the end the person who didn't do it wins and is seen as better.
Battling
People keep trying to convince me I shouldn't have a relationship with an older lady I like because I'm not good enough.
Depreciation
So, I saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) was popular on Netflix and turned it on.
Unfair
The older lady I like was presented as being unable to be nice to me about being famous because someone stopped her when I thought about it in my room.
She also pops up at some times if she supposedly agrees I don't deserve something.
However, people do these things for her and encourage her more and more. She gave the message that though my life was ruined for her that she is my relationship, but here it looks like it's at risk. Still, people want to cover the rest of her life and me always suffer.
Me? Me? Me!
Overall, was it beneficial for me in the end that this older lady I like get my fame instead of before how I still had a good reputation and was in good standing with her?
Feeling Loved by Older People
You shouldn't make fun of the older lady I like, as everyone has the same issues.
Well!
I don't see real people and have no friends, I can't connect now. (Yes, I see real people, but poetically not how it felt before. I remember when it was cut off.)
I'm in trouble with her for strange reasons, too, if you think about it truthfully.
I think she just has issues. Everyone is looking out for her. I wonder if that feels good or is seriously annoying the way it is.
The present, timewise, does not matter for me, neither, but has to be in place for her. It feels like I'm wasting a lot of time, with how people are with me and I'm in Orlando.
Why anyone complain who knows her already?
So, why would people who really see the older lady I like complain? Is she also holding out on them? like with me.
2 Answers
Supposedly someone exploited the older lady I like because she follows and exploits me already and the older lady captures attention, but then it's because I'm in trouble "for no good reason."
"Learning Right From Wrong"
People think to do the right thing they just need to do something abusive using the older lady I like, like they won't do it without her.
"What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You"
It might not be bad all this hectic activity for the older lady I like, but it's funny how it's not hurting anyone. I'm asking because it hurt me.
Tuesday, June 2, 2020
Insinuations
What do some things mean when they are said and don't connect with anything being discussed?
Why Whine?
Why should I be whining to have some of what an older lady I like has and not others me if they took from me?
Something going on here?
Why would you say I look like one of my dad's sisters and the other sister doesn't?
Me!
Why would people say I'm pretty but then say out of nowhere my aunt is sexier but she's also older? Why didn't anyone else come up? It seems like she always gets what she wants and others don't, like to feel popular and pretty, to others.
I am not some bad person who you should torment saying you like my aunt better because she's sexier but older anyway.
"Pissed Off"
Late Boomers ^study^ all the stimulating things.
You know, the things Generation X feels ditzy about and affected by?... something that makes Late Boomers go, "Surrender!"
You wonder what's going on maybe also in the subconscious floating above our heads at the end of the day.
I just sorta concocted some of this, but it seems it could be true.
A Peculiar Prejudice
People are mad if I don't want to get close to them in some way but not others. I feel like I'm a murder victim and they are in prison.
Geenration X and Their Kids
Why is it all about kids with their Generation X parents whining about if everything is okay and asking how to do everything, regarding feelings and "what's important?"
Why can't Late Boomers just accept me and my interests?
Problems Galore
The older lady I like was deliberately made to be inappropriately stimulated a lot, though people on her side claim it was an accident or something that happened or could happen anyway. We can find out how we got all our problems if we had any and sorta prevent this from happening again.
Question
Is it really necessary to torment me with my relatives who never talk to me? I didn't say they had to stay away from my relationships, but something "is up to no good."
"You follow, I'll lead."
Baby Boomers want Generation X to lead in ways they themselves don't even know how.
Musicians - Unfair Life?
Did musicians want an easier life in competition, even if they were trained well where they were from compared to others who are interested?
Could that be labeled "danger" to them? We don't get to hear about it or find out easily.
Behavior
What do you have about my behavior?
I had perfect behavior in school.
You're just wasting time, if you are wondering about technical things like that.
I kinda made it in the home, too.
Singing?
Why do people think it's better not to sing? Do they still get the benefits anyone would get as a person? I don't think everyone necessarily will injure themselves to sing but not make a career out of it-
"Taking It Back" - America
My mom likes my dad, I think, though I bet she liked America because she thought they were different from racist people from Europe and maybe they "had something" and so she was agreeable to them. America just changed.
"Life Goes On"
It's the job of the people monitoring me in private to make sure I don't feel good and don't feel and begin to think less good.
They have it as a toss-up saying people are out to get me for no reason and so make sure they are convincing enough that they took care of the matter or something.
Monday, June 1, 2020
Message Board Post by Me
It's one of the reasons I don't always care to be friendly to other races, ever since I found out things like this of other stereotypes and ethnicities of people. I don't have to care about people's addiction to their dark features if they just think I'm trash. It's a difference in how I am as a person, now. It usually seems like an issue with predominantly tan races and ethnicities. So, if you did it, I don't care and don't know why it's like I do to them. I know you like those other White people different from and better than me. This is my life, I'm not doing anything to you, wrong. You probably think this is a big deal, a big part of my life, and a big statement. It's not.
Baby Boomers
You have a whole generation of kids, Generation X, whose parents never feel mature enough to love their offspring generation.
People didn't say we didn't matter for the general reason they believe in but because of me, so I don't feel good and it's like it's a real excuse. However, they're tryingt to still lead my life.
Sunday, May 31, 2020
Worried?
Do you think people like Ellen DeGeneres born in the end of the 1950s are always worried their mom will be upset if they're not stimulated? Not true, they're worried they won't be more stimulated.
I'm not saying this is always like this exactly 100%, though.
Racial Preferences
It's funny how racial preference goes by color as far as who wants to push away other races and affect their lives socially. You could just politely leave them alone. Don't make a pandemic of it.
A "Knockout"
I guess sometimes people in general like to knock out great accomplishments in feeling different emotions, whatever suits the occasion.
Trying to Feel
Sometimes, they are mean to me when I'm sad, and then I don't feel anything ... people in New Orleans cut themselves or maybe attempt suicide because they "want to feel something." I heard this more than once, I think, and it was somewhat evident.
I'm on psychotic pills I don't need that make me tired, but also I feel less. My psychiatrist said something funny, like, "I don't want you to feel so much now." Because I still live with my dad, I have to take the psychotic pills, according to him. I just got upset once and kept being irritated, threw some things. I went back when I called the police waiting at my therapist's. I was there for a month each time, terrible conditions. It changed the health of my fingernails. A lotta *sad* black ladies in charge.
Funny
Either way, something is wrong, that I have social needs or that I just get thrown out there as shit all alone.
Late Boomers
Do you want to be seen with Late Boomers acting like it's all about them getting all the pleasure and no one else?
My Spiel About Non-Family
Why be eager to get close to older people and not younger people get a chance too in their world?
Saturday, May 30, 2020
Feet
Why do a lot of people who are older than me enjoy not wearing socks and going barefoot? I'm getting a little uncomfortable, "to tell you the truth."
You know, I'm not embarrassed of my feet. I try to cut my toenails relatively often, but it doesn't seem necessary too much when I don't as much. My toenails don't seem to look too funny or embarrassing. You could be the judge, though. ... You know, I'm not sure why I got so husky in general when I had to come home from college and we moved to Orlando, Florida, US because our home in Hurricane Katrina was destroyed and my dad had gotten a job here. I knew it was a bad idea of them to ruin my college experience, no matter the inclination. Sure, my life might be benefited to stop and think, but it didn't turn out.
Mistaken Identity
People think I'm just someone who acts good in the face of distress by nature and good fortune but am of little taste and little interest in acquiring any. Hosever, people I've met or known some have sheltered and guarded me for strange reasons. More people have appeared on the scene to say I'm bad for being sheltered and guarded from others. They think it's, like, everyone's destiny to be better than me and I'm the only loser.
Sin?
So, people think that a good younger person being rewarded with positive attention by a good older person is a sin?
Being Expressive
So, when people play music, are they using it to express themselves? In some way...
No Attention or Not Much
I'm not a big deal and in the way, but you can chose to have me foil your self-esteem that way.
Germans...
Why does Germany hate everyone? They just want attention. Some people are a success, but others are in the crossfire. Just watch them, and they're shooting looks.
Dodgy
It seems Generation X won't make it happen and are being dodgy until I end up in prison or something with hints of how things will be back to normal after my death.
All Those Mysteries
that you built since childhood, maybe Generation X and older, were your "prayers answered?"
Friday, May 29, 2020
The French Quarter
It sounds different when someone from a suburb of New Orleans such as Slidell where I lived goes to visit New Orleans in the French Quarter as when someone from the city of New Orleans goes there, to the French Quarter.
(link)
Slidell
New Orleans is very different from its suburb Slidell I lived in, but still both are extremely alive.
Quora
posts by me
(link)
my response to a response
You live the dream! When I was little, I didn’t know how hard it was. I don’t know what I thought. It seemed I wasn’t allowed, though I was able to show interest early on. I sorta had bad luck or an unfair life. So, I would imagine it was not too late that young and that it was the nature of professionals to have a long time to learn one performance. I figured it wasn’t very popular and so there would be little competition.
(link)
my response
I see you were warned, too.
My 2 cents is, since I am sticking with violin starting at age 29, that do it if you like it. You can always try until you’re satisfied? You know, you can get another job, though it may not be what you wanted.
Also, I imagine, if you have a real love and ability, you will develop in some outlet, like church, community orchestra, or something else lucky if you’re rather good, like weddings, special small events, etc.
“Better late than never.”
1 view
Sore Eyes
I'm sick of the sight of Baby Boomers like from certain things popping up like they all are attached to me, like how they know something about me, in a negative way and maybe I wouldn't get close like that like I'm in trouble.
The French in New Orleans
If you think Ellen DeGeneres was cool, which she is in her own way, I met some French people in New Orleans who were pretty interesting, never that boring. I don't know if they were mixed with anything else. Ellen is from the New Orleans area, and her mom is from New Orleans.
Query
Are some people scared of talking at all to younger people who are young enough to be their kids but are not their kids?
So..
So, we're focusing on making the now bad people better and forgetting about the good people.
Then, people are just acting like they can't connect with me or be nice to me like I'm in trouble with my dad... maybe in some extra "convenient" ways.
Something Funny in the World
Musicians from Europe who never had anything to do with drama shouldn't take center stage in that respect when they foil professional singers/dancers or who or what -ever, who aren't any worse than them, in ways overall. ... meaning not outstage singers/dancers as their prime objective to prove they are not of listening quality. Did they become musicians partly for that reason and incentive? They seem against if American musicians do anything in talking, singing, or dancing. How ironic!
How I Get Into Things - Not the Same
They seem to be paying attention more to what's social than things I see in the drama. I kinda socialize like this, on my blog. I can only imagine what the audience is up to. I can see why this has been taken down from the internet published more than once. I watch it a lot.
Thursday, May 28, 2020
"Odd"
I've been watching this and the people onstage, the orchestra and the American girl singer with brown hair, all seem beside themselves. I just read they synopsis and found that the part the American girl singer with brown hair is playing is the male main lover, probably main lover, but anyway a male lover.
Tonight
I'm making chicken and rice.
I was gonna make the apple dumplings, but all the big bowls were dirty so am washing them now.
No More
Well, I decided to stop going to school online for music and just teach myself and if I have to move out move to a group home since I can take pills for a mental disorder I don't have though I didn't want to.
Otherwise "Greatness" in America?
I've been watching this, and this girl with the brown hair seems to have a very soft voice, as do in a way other great singers from America I heard. The girl I am talking about here is also from America but moved to Berlin, the capital of Germany. She is singing with a German orchestra. The other girl is Korean and moved to Berlin.
Always by the Spotlight
What do you think of people who just want to have a say in others's lives and then take away the spotlight at a bad time from others and then put it on them? Know what I'm saying?
Europe vs. the US - Why change?
If Europe is cleaner culturally etc. etc. etc., why would America try to make them like themselves, when we are more interested in immersing in their culture, like when we get excited about possibly learning a new language?
It seems like the way Generation X had babies and never grew up first. Their children acquire their ways rather than their own. It's like there are no more "real children." "It's not funny." I am not going to join you, in this mistake.
Cultural Hoarding and Distribution
People are possessive over people of their culture, even if sometimes it's lacking. I know people from New Orleans are like this. You can never quite fit in, from the people from the top to the bottom of their social ladder. I left, and it's of little consequence.
Wednesday, May 27, 2020
Willy Wonka
I like the children in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) and Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)
The Apple Dumplings from Disney's "Melody Time" - "Johnny Appleseed"
They show it twice, and I got this one from a Spanish clip online. I think there's a hole in the middle of each apple filled with butter etc. and then there's supposed to be drizzle or something, too.
Making Apple Dumplings
I am watching Disney's animation Melody Time (1948.) There's a little movie about Johnny Appleseed I like, and ... highlight for spoilers they showed lots of things you can make with apples. The artwork of the apple dumplings looked like a cute cartoon of what the recipe looks like! even with the hole in the middle of the apples for the butter or whatever!
Quora - New Post/Answer by Me
(link)
Yes.
I was admitted to Rhodes and noticed you could start as a beginner. Same with Rollins where I live, the big private school in Orlando.
I switched from piano to violin, and I know I can get into the Bachelor of Arts program more easily than the Bachelor of Music program. The Bachelor of Arts has more general studies and less music. That is the program you get in if you never played, at some schools. The Bachelor of Music has more music classes and less General Studies classes. Also, I know at least before music majors play a secondary instrument and I’ve heard become a proficient professional, like one organ major who toured as a harpist for “The Sound of Music” and even got in harp by accident thinking it was harpsichord, which was full.
So, some private schools offer this as well as I think some or most community colleges. Some don’t, and it takes a little effort to find out. I have to look at schools for less advanced players, as I was saying, probably.
A funny story I got in organ without auditioning and this is possible at some conservatories or schools I think. The teacher wasn’t available for auditions and I did a piano audition.
I saw talk about Music Education here. I actually did it and also into performance. I took singing without passing an audition as the catalog seemed to allow, but they removed me at the end of the year. My only hope was Organ Performance or something. I originally wanted to do Composition and singing.
Orlando is a nightmare.
Orlando is stupid ... Orlando is shit.
They don't nurture by nature. If you have dark hair, you become shy or inhibited. Other places, it's not like that.
Cooking and Eating
After my cousin's sons and other relatives visited, I had the sniffles and stayed in bed and it got better, but I'm still tired, in bed at least a total of 12 hours, maybe waking up 3 times, but still got up to eat.
Trump
If Trump is beside himself, it's if he's doing things, those "weird" things..., to punish/"irritate" Generation X, at a rapid and regulated pace. I wonder if we'll be threatened by every Baby Boomer who steps foot in places that matter in DC and in seemingly every facet of life. Trump is a softy with cards on the table, which makes America great ... again-. I just had to say that it was so funny, but I like Trump though I see people found him weird and not the choice.
"Do it yourself."
People in America think they get to showcase the accomplishments that are unlikely which others have rather than see it as a challenge to better themselves.
"If you don't know me by now..."
People think I'm having a hissy fit because I'm a perfectionist. They've really settled down on me, and people act like they know me but think too simply/unfinished/kurt.
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Dancing Orchestras Try to Dance in My Head
Are you good enough to dance when you play music? I tried to remain still, but I can move to the music in small spans. I'm very still as a person, in some ways. You all look uncomfortable.
...and "do it the right way."
Do you want to become as great as those with popular parents or just become a parent yourself somehow?
Update - Website
Quotes I Like
"Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it." - Willy Wonka from the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Monday, May 25, 2020
Not the Real Children
It's annoying when Baby Boomers act like they're hot and they dig into us like we're on some program, Generation X.
Clothes Shopping
I am thinking of getting 3 dresses with stockings and a new pair of boots to match, $162. It might be good to wear daily or for now at least when I go out.
Music - Power Struggle
I think my old choir director and organ teacher pulled a grudge on me because when I met her and was helping asked if she ever sang in a choir maybe twice. She was all about like musicians are better, even though it seems most pianists miss out and it's all about the orchestra.
My Aunt - Congenial
I wonder if people are more cordial to my dad's youngest sister because it's interesting she's older than me and why they are mean to me sometimes like I'm not okay because I'm related to her and not as good as her, in some ways.
No Meet and Greet?
If I can't meet an older lady I like, why should others be allowed to hover around her? I don't want her hurt by others in the process. Someone, or probably some, that is many, people, have a nasty side about this, and tons of people including that I know who found her fame want to "see to it that" she is made so as not to be "even something" matter to me. If I never had these problems, maybe this wouldn't had happened.
Why Else...
...It's also because I'm not from Germany nor mostly or all German. Gotta admit it somehow.
Joke
Overnight, people said I wasn't all that anymore and that teachers were the real sex and so I should crawl back into my hole.
"Birds of a Feather"
Germany is seclusive like blacks, if you try to associate with them. They don't care how bad they are; they will always pretend to find fault in me.
Germany - Taking Advantage of Me
Germany has been taking advantage of me when my family moved to Orlando and I had to come home.
I don't mind the feisty Germans. 😈
I've been watching this. First, I thought I was like the female singer with the brown hair, an American in Berlin. I took to the husband of the violinist lady I like; his mom is Norwegian and his dad is German I think. I think I am most taking to the conductor because he's from Belgium, seems less aggressive as the Germans. I don't mind the feisty Germans. 😈 Oh, I like the Korean girl, too, that's a given. The audience is French. The younger musicians are cute.
"Lights Out"
Why are people acting surprised if young people flock to a very attractive older person?
"No Child Left Behind"
Baby Boomers worked hard to create their world and they had their children, but now some are successfully bumping me off.
Piano - "Is it really all it's cracked up to be?"
Piano is amazing but can get redundant. "You learn something new every day."
Getting Older? Can't Go Back? in Some Ways
Are people who are less fond of their looks just aged versions of very attractive people sexually?
Sunday, May 24, 2020
My Future Daughter
I want to have sex the natural way, and there are ways you can determine to have a girl or boy for sure naturally.
Here are the activities I want to put her in:
- prenatal activities
- daycare - after maternity leave
- gymnastics - ASAP
- ballet - ASAP
- swimming lessons/team - ASAP
- singing lessons - ASAP
- violin lessons - ASAP
Is that too much to ask? Now, I do play the piano, but I don't "use" it, per se.
So... daycare could be during the day, and then the gymnastics + ballet + swimming lessons at first, teaching her to sing, and starting her to be coached in violin. She could change later. Like, it is more natural to do gymnastics when you're a toddler and small child, but later it would be competitive and dangerous, like she might prefer swimming when she's older instead of the hassle of competitive gymnastics, too? who knows; I'm not the father. Figure skating would be good starting little, too. People can do it for fun, rather than compete all the time there, too. She also may drop the singing. I think everyone should play violin, like I think all string players do. Ballet probably gets rigorous, too, not for everyone. She may switch to modern dance. I know modern dance is cute when you're little, but oh well? So, what do we have left? A lot of exercise has been done. Hey, I even got into tennis and martial arts as a preteen and teenager. See, it all weaves in place. She might want to play volleyball, who knows? At least she becomes a person with opportunities other than staying in the house without enough PE. Imagine how much fun it'd be too like to go to Disney World. I have no relatives to visit, and my mom died and my dad will probably pass away before that time, as well, as he's sick. My younger brother keeps to himself. So, in the end, she may focus on one streamlined interest. I hope to read her history and teach her to read stories and study things like history. I don't have a desire to have 2 kids. I really wanted to nurture my daughter. Hey, my mom is Asian, maybe she didn't want to do that, too anyway. I learned how to behave when I was 2. Interesting? So, yea, I provide physical activity etc., and she can grow into a person as time goes on and do her thing. I was thinking I'd have sex with a white guy. I hope she has white blonde hair but with a reddish undertone. If it were straight, she might be like an angel. If it were curly, she'd be like a little doll. If it were wavy, she'd be like a little saint. I wouldn't want it too curly but some, like kinda wavy I guess but with some curls or something. Perhaps, in the heat, hair can get lighter but maybe curl, too. The singing and violin at first would just be private lessons. I'd have to work around the gymnastics and ballet. I'm not sure about the swimming, when the team starts.
To Play in a Classical Orchestra or Not to, That Is the Question
Other things could really hold you down, like piano and your school not having an orchestra.
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