Trying to Feel

Sometimes, they are mean to me when I'm sad, and then I don't feel anything ... people in New Orleans cut themselves or maybe attempt suicide because they "want to feel something."  I heard this more than once, I think, and it was somewhat evident.

I'm on psychotic pills I don't need that make me tired, but also I feel less.  My psychiatrist said something funny, like, "I don't want you to feel so much now."  Because I still live with my dad, I have to take the psychotic pills, according to him.  I just got upset once and kept being irritated, threw some things.  I went back when I called the police waiting at my therapist's.  I was there for a month each time, terrible conditions.  It changed the health of my fingernails.  A lotta *sad* black ladies in charge.